Same sex couples can foster

Jack is one of 7 siblings and grew up surrounded by a large family. Andy had always wanted kids too. But as a same sex couple, they thought the only option open to them was surrogacy. They didn't know that same sex couples can foster and can adopt. 

One night when they were away on holiday, one of their friends told them about her childhood growing up in care. Jack and Andy were really affected by her stories about her experience. They agreed that they couldn't bring a new child into the world when there were already so many children who needed a loving home. They decided to look into fostering when they got home.

Something stopped them contacting the council's fostering team straight away. They were worried that they wouldn't be allowed to foster because they were a same sex couple. But they filled in an online enquiry form and spoke to a friendly social worker who talked all about the processes and what would happen. He invited them to a fostering information event. When they arrived, they saw a Stonewall logo and immediately knew it would all be OK.

Initially they hadn't realised that foster carers were paid for their work. They had spoken to some independent fostering agencies, who paid a lot more money to their foster carers than their local authority, but they both felt very strongly that no-one should profit from a child being in a vulnerable position.

"We couldn't live with ourselves if we knew we were profiting from a child in care. The public service route is much better."

They decided to press ahead and get started with the assessment and approval process, with Jack as the primary foster carer.  He had worked in hospitality when he left school, managing coffees shops and pubs abroad and in the UK.  At the end of the process, they faced quite a grilling at panel. The youngest anyone can start fostering is 21, and Jack is the youngest person their local authority has ever approved as a foster carer. It was agreed that they would start with respite and sleepover care for six months to see how they got on, then their position would be reviewed. 

"With hindsight, this was the best way for us to get into fostering. We picked our child up on Friday and dropped them back on Sunday. We knew how much time we had with them and could just get used to fostering and parenting, with the option that, if after 6 months we felt it wasn't for us, we would discuss it at our review." 

Happily, Jack and Andy took to fostering like ducks to water. Andy still works full time, but very flexibly as a Managing Director of a Facilities Management company. His 100% employee-owned company is a fostering friendly organisation, and in addition to the day job, his company does a lot of work to promote and support fostering, offering work experience to care leavers. He's also a school governor.  They've cared for well over 30 children now, including respite and sleepover care, and longer-term care. "We welcomed a long-term child into our care quite soon after being approved. She's lived with us now for 6 years. And we've just welcomed a sibling pair into our home too."

They really enjoy the training their local authority gives them, broken down into core, mandatory and optional courses. They've both benefited from courses on trauma, mental health and a wide range of other topics including tailor-made training provided to help them with very specific situations or challenges.

"It's a blend of in-person and virtual training, we really like how flexible it is." 

MOCKINGBIRD

Three years ago, they were asked to consider becoming Mockingbird carers. They weren't keen to start off with. Some research later, and they decided to take the plunge. 

"Being in a hub is all about teamwork, for the foster carers, the children we foster and the children who foster. No-one other than a child in care understands what it's like to be a child in care, and it is invaluable for them to have this network of 'hub cousins' as we call them. Similarly, no-one understands what it's like to be a foster carer other than another foster carer. The support we bring each other stops people from feeling lonely or depressed and means you've always got someone to talk to." 

They're now the beating heart of a flourishing Mockingbird constellation of 6 foster families, offering support to fellow foster carers, plus sleepover and respite care to the foster children in their group so their foster carers can take a break. "Our hub is like one big extended family. Every family has its ups ad downs and disagreements, and our hub is just like that, but by providing support to fellow foster carers, we've been able to help them with challenges, prevent placements from breaking down, and change policy at our LA. Not having been keen on being in a hub to start off with, I now can't imagine our lives without it, it's become such a big part of what we do and how fostering works for us."